London Collections: Men’s

‘Reassuringly normal’ was the way Metro summarized the London Collections this year. And yes, now that we think about it, it was. Some of them were downright ordinary, in fact. Not to say that it isn’t handy to be able to look at a catwalk model and think: ‘yes, I can genuinely walk into a shop down the road and buy that’, but we at Bernard’s Watch think LCM in particular should be a bit of a collage of  ideas and concepts: some of them a little daring, some just plain odd, but none should realistically be expected to make it into a normal person’s wardrobe. Part of the fun, right? But we digress. Anyway, there was still some cracking clobber on show this week, so let’s have a looksie at our top, uh, six.

A. Sauvage

 Gotta love black. I didn’t much care for any of Sauvage’s jumpers, but it’s all in the overcoat here. Love how it kills the sharp silhouette of the shoulders with those big lapels. Top banana. Top drop-shoulder.

Christopher Shannon

 Killer jumper, bro. That’s not a pun, by the way.

Topman

 A duffle coat cut like a peacoat, that just blows us away. We’d also like to point out that wide leg of the trouser is something I predicted to come back two years ago and am now fully anticipating to return now that Topman have the balls to do it. Roll necks always win, too.

Oliver Spencer

The wide leg again! I mean where do I even start here?  Probably with the tassel loafers, because they’re excellent. The model has every right to be smug.

J.W. Anderson

J.W. Anderson brought the wacky this year, so this is about as understated as his collection gets. Still, broadly speaking, we think androgynous design can throw up some really interesting colour and texture pairings. Like this.

LEATHERED: the biker jacket

Everybody wants the Perfecto Jacket (Marlon Brando, anyone?) but you see unless you’ve got £900 handy, you’ll probably have to make do with one of the many million knock offs that have followed in the wake of the former Sexiest Man in the Known Universe’s leather-cladded pouting in The Wild One. And if there’s a high street brand that knows decent quality and attentively-designed knock offs of style classics, it’s Topman. What are we rebelling against you ask? What have you got? Topman, £160.

Stone Cold Christmas

This is just a brief update, but I wanted to share an early Christmas present I received courtesy of my co-editor. It seems my regressive penchant for WWF wrestling is worth indulging in. Now I plan to treat this excellent T-shirt (which I yearned for in my childhood years), like any novelty garment, with great responsibility. That means wearing it around the house, maybe at the pub, definitely not to work.

Resemblance is uncanny, right?

Hamburg: ja, das ist gut

My fabulous co-editor and I went on our holibobs to Hamburg this week, thinking initially it could double up as a good excuse to put our winter gear through its paces. What we also found however, among other things, was the Museum fur Kunst und Gewerbe (conveniently placed opposite our hostel, in fact). We got lost looking for a hall of mirrors and found ourselves in a fashion exhibition featuring some fabulous, timeless and really, um, interesting prints and designs. Anyway, here’s what we found.

Oh and here are some gratuitous shots of our clothes. Hey, it’s our blog, we’ll be as egotistical as we want.

WATCHING: TIMEX

We love watches. We especially love watches when they’re (relatively) cheap. Thankfully Timex keep us up to our ears in affordable timepieces, and this is as good a time as any to think about the Intelligent Quartz Flyback Chronograph (Christmas and all that). Thing is with this, it’s versatile enough to wear with anything. Workwear (some kind of archeological dig springs to mind for some reason), loungewear, your pants while you’re surrounded by half-eaten boxes of Malteasers on Boxing Day. Anything. £97, Timex via Amazon.

HOT and NOT: Menswear

Hit or shit? Hot or grot? Freak or chic? You get the idea, let’s just get on with it.

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Simon Cowell. We have no real beef with Simon Cowell. The ‘Asexual millionaire with a strangely platonic obsession with bikini-clad ladies’ thing is cool in its own way, it’s like Elvis or something. The one problem we do have is that he has never even tried to dress himself properly. His staple (and we mean staple, he’s never ever worn anything else) look is dreadful: crap bootcut jeans, shoes you wear to a wedding when you’re ten years old, a black long (or short, weather dependent) sleeved shirt and aviators that don’t even really suit the shape of his head. At least Elvis clearly had a stylist. NOT

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Harry Styles. You know one of those days where you’re just trying to hop from a black cab into your five-star hotel in peace but you’re too swarmed by screaming jailbait to do so without disguising yourself as Amanda Bynes? Yeah, well Harry’s rocking that. Kudos to him (BB’s note: he was going to a party dressed as Hanson, do you even read DM Showbiz at all?). HOT

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Tinie Tempah. He may not necessarily have the musical talent to earn a place at an awards do (or a premiere, whatever), but at least he knows how to dress for one. Note the bold choice to go sockless in winter (good), the the tailored suit not requiring a belt (better) and a simply adorable bow tie (cake, meet icing). We feel bad about badmouthing his music now. Well, almost anyway. HOT

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Hulk Hogan. I hope that when I’m 108 years old, I’ll get to roam around airports rocking a Do-rag and showing off my 24-inch Pythons to whichever dipshit wants their photo taken with my leathery self. I mean the guy hasn’t changed since 1984, just think about how many bottles of bleach-blonde moustache dye that is. Jeans, a t-shirt and a watch I’m going to assume is worth more than I earn in a year isn’t the worst thing he could be wearing. Plus, he slayed the giant at Wrestlemania, brother. And if that’s not worth a thumbs up, I don’t know what is. HOT

Tinsel Gown

Had a last-minute wobble about wearing a completely backless jumpsuit to a work shindig, so picked up this fluffy co-ordinated set from Topshop instead/as well, promising myself that I can wear both parts separately in the future and that it’s therefore a solid investment. Looks and feels a lot like tinsel (in a good way) and has just about enough sparkle to make it Christmassy – party on!

Fluffy Tee, Topshop £28. Fluffy Skirt, Topshop £32. Shoes, New Look £22.99.

Raining champion

Now an original rule for these posts was that anything we happen to write about should be at least somewhere near budget, but what are you going to do? When we hear Sunspel generally we think more of their high quality t-shirts and underwear, but this mac we’ve spotted is damn fine. Showerproofed cotton, unfussy design (I’ll finish up my Patrick Bateman impression in a sec), classic stone colour: isn’t it just eye-wateringly beautiful/ expensive? Can’t hurt sticking it on the Christmas list though. £580. Sunspel.

Jump Around

Jump around! Jump around! Jump up, jump up and get down! Sadly, as a particularly long-bodied lass, I can’t do much jumping around in this cheeky jumpsuit but I’ve got a work Christmas do to attend so for now it’s goodbye comfy second-hand knits and hello high street glam! Nicole Sherzinger (sp????) rocked this Missguided jumpsuit a while back (that’s where our similarities end – sad face) and I I LOVE it – it looks like the dignity-covering parts are actually floating and it makes me feel tres sophisticated, darling. At 23 whole English pounds the shoes were a steal (thanks New Look) and I’m going to try and wear them a lot to keep up this new lady-like image. Stay tuned to see how long that will last.

Jumpsuit: Missguided £32.99, Shoes: New Look £22.99

Rubber Soul: canvas shoes

I need to stop shopping on Brick Lane, I know, but these are some damn fine canvas shoes. I’ve had Vans in the past and I do have a habit of pinching my brother’s Converse, but I went for these primarily because A) they look great B) they cost just over £30 and C) they look great. I’m thinking I drew some sort of inspiration in this purchase from Joaquin Phoenix’s latest shoot with Esquire, where the man himself sported a rather smart pair of canvas shoes. Not exactly winter-proof, but who cares, right? Now if you’ll excuse me I’m off to play some tennis in the 1980s.

£34, Blitz London.